Just us...

It's hard to believe it's the middle of March. Deadlines have come and gone, while we still sit idle in the land of adoption. Life has given us its fair share of good and bad. Right now, we're at this place we can't seem to escape from. It's not a place either of us want to be in. We're trying to find the positive in it, but so far we haven't had any luck. We're patiently waiting for the light on the other side.

The void in our hearts has grown exponentially and we both desperately desire to begin the adoption process. After doing more research, we learned that international adoption is not an option for us due to a medical diagnosis. I could argue all the reasons it doesn't seem fair, but it won't do any good.

Some days I wonder if we made the right choice. I voiced my concern to Kyle, and for the first time in a very long time, I cried. One of those soul wrenching cries that makes your heart feel a little less burdened. I questioned why we transferred the last two embryos to me instead of pushing forward with the surrogate. The money was our main issue then, but I think by now, we would be parents. The conversation returned to what it had been so many times before. Was the infertility drama coming back to haunt me? I thought I'd buried that nightmare already. I suppose this time of year is forever tainted. Exactly two years ago we were deep in the process of IVF. We talked in acronyms and scheduled our day around injections. Tax season just provides the opportunity to drag out the paperwork and pour over the memories.

I don't want to allow the emotions from the past to invade my mind again. I know that this phase will soon pass and we'll be able to move on. The negativity doesn't have a place in our lives. A weekend away we do the heart & soul some good. A time without worry where we can pour ourselves into the moment and celebrate us. And that's just what we plan to do.