Something to look forward to

Thanks to my absolutely wonderful husband, our list of to-do's is done. I know I've said it before, but he's unbelievably amazing and I'm so incredibly lucky to be married to him. Which reminds me...I need to tell him those same words in case he forgot.

We're waiting to find out if we can close early, maybe even before Christmas. All our paper work, closing costs, and down payments are done. We're just waiting to see if the lawyer is ready. At this point, I'm literally watching the clock and counting the minutes until we move. Yet somehow, all the clock watching hasn't made the time go by any faster.

Which got me thinking the other day. I'll admit in the past I've struggled with my beliefs. People can judge me for that, but after battling infertility and having no answers as to why we are being punished, I began to question what I believed. It's been a constant struggle for me in that respect. For both of us.

I'm still unsure of so many things regarding infertility, but I hope the future will shed some light as to why we faced this disease. As much as we've suffered, I've had to make myself step back and look around at what I do have. This year has brought as many crushing blows as it has new beginnings. And I started to realize how things have begun to fall into place on their own time. I couldn't have planned it better myself. And it got me thinking, maybe I'm not in control like I'd thought. Maybe, just maybe, someone had a hand in how this year is coming to an end. And maybe, just maybe, all that is happening now, is happening for a very good reason.

For now, I think I'll step back and continue to watch as the pieces fit together. I won't continue to worry about the things I can't control. I trust that it will all work out fine if the past few months are any indication. And when the new year rolls around, I might not cry when the ball drops like I have in so many years past. Because maybe for once I'll have something to look forward to.