ringy ring ring

I made the call to my RE's office Monday. I left a message on a voicemail and sat there scared. I was thinking maybe I was crazy for putting us through this again, but at some point in time we HAVE to do the transfer. Disposing of our potential babies isn't happening. I told my mom of our decision so at least I have her to turn to if my emotions get the best of me.

The IVF/FET lady called back yesterday and I missed her call by a second. I listen to the voicemail and she informs me that the Dr. wants to look at my uterus before proceeding with the transfer. I'm willing to do a simple ultrasound, but count me out if involves another surgery or HSG (hysterosalpingogram.) First, my scars from the last surgery are just starting to fade and I don't want to go through the recovery phase again. Secondly, the HSG was extremely painful and I had a slight reaction to the dye. Besides, my uterus will be the same as it was a year ago: perfect. When I get the call back I'll see what has to be done.

Last night as I climbed into the shower I realized my emotions about doing the final FET went from fear and anxiety to full blown excitement. Uh oh. That wasn't supposed to happen. My mind has already decided it's ready for the challenge and positive thoughts abound. My heart needs to catch up and I worry about the heartbreak and depression that will be greeting us at the end of this process.

Waiting for the next phone call...