I went in for my beta on the 23rd. I had a feeling it hadn't worked but I was still holding on to hope that maybe it had. By 2:30 that afternoon, I received the call. The Dr. said she was sorry but the test was negative. Although I expected to hear those words, I didn't want to. My heart sank and I held back the tears as she explained that everything looked perfect and that they had no explanation why it didn't work. I hung up and called Kyle and sobbed my way through the information she had just told me. He left work shortly after that and when he walked through the door, I collapsed in his arms. By then I was numb and the anger I had towards infertility had crept back into my heart.I called the Drs. office the next day and made a follow-up appointment for the 4th. A have a few questions for my Dr. concerning Assisted Hatching and the possibility of putting back two embryos when we do the FET cycle. Although my cardiologist advised me to only put back one, I want to get his permission to put back two, which will help our chances.
We're still not sure what the future holds, or how many more times we can go through this, but we are willing to try until we both decide we've had enough. We did get some good news in regards to financing another full IVF cycle, which gives us something to look forward to and eases the burden of paying for another IVF, which we wouldn't be able to do without help. It's also possible that if we do another IVF cycle, we might go to the other infertility clinic near us. But there's a lot of things we have to sort out if we did that.
My OBGYN sent us flowers yesterday. She's been asking about us every time she sees my mom at the hospital when they are working. It was very touching. We also received a card from the infertility clinic. Our family who knew we were doing IVF all called to give us their love and support and cry with us. That's the thing about infertility, it doesn't just affect us, it also affects the people that love and care about us.
I will be starting to gather information for the adoption process so we can get that going. A friend of mine who went through all the things we've been through and ultimately adopted her son, gave me the name of the lawyer I need to get in touch with. We decided a while back if the IVF didn't work, then we would start the adoption process.
Who knows what the future holds...
