If not now, when?

Incubus has a new album coming out very soon. That makes me happy. And the title of the album (the title of this post) was exactly how our conversation at lunch went today. My spring break is right around the corner and it's jammed packed with things to do. As in I couldn't possible fit another item on the list, but since school doesn't leave me with a lot of free time, spring break is where I have to squeeze it all in.

Top of the list: get started on the adoption.

However, I don't quite know how to start. I think the whole joining a church thing has to be done. Since we moved, we're closer to a Catholic church where a few friends attend. So that's our first choice and probably first move. Then I suppose I'll contact the agency we would like to proceed with. And I guess from there we begin the home study process. I need to read the Adoption for Dummies book again.

Not so long ago, I thought it was all over. We came to a place where neither of us wanted to be. Stuck somewhere between hope and total confusion. Questioning whether we should proceed with building a family through adoption. Unsure of how to begin the whole process, we both realized, we weren't going to know until we tried. It's funny to think how unbelievably insane IF treatments were and that didn't scare me quite like this adoption thing has. I guess it's not as instantly telling, so to speak. With the IF, the outcome of an IUI was within 2 weeks. The IVF only lasted a couple of months. We paid, we poked, we cried. Simple as that.

I know the adoption isn't going to be that cut and dry. It's only paper work. I'm sure there will be tears, heartache, headaches, and fear, but hopefully the outcome will be as we've always dreamed. Without a doubt the fear lies in the unknown. But if not now, when?