two weeks

So far so...overwhelming. I always understood a full time teaching position wouldn't be easy, at least not yet. I'm looking forward to the day when I can leave school before 5pm without an armful of papers. Everyday it feels a little more real. All my years of subbing didn't prepare me for how much I would worry about my students' grades and performance. I want them, need them, to do well. And when they don't, I worry what I did wrong or what I should have done differently. I want to do the best I possibly can for my class. And I suppose in a selfish kind of way, I want to prove to the administrators they made a good decision hiring me.

I've got big plans and changes for the near future. Most importantly, I hope that helps my students. I'm looking forward to a successful year. I couldn't have asked for better group of kids.

When I do finally start leaving school without bringing home hours of additional work, I might have time to think about an adoption. Right now, I feel very discouraged about the whole process. I've said the words so many times before, but I just wish we could have a family without so much work, heartache, and money. The financial aspect of building a family isn't really that important. It's only money. But the process is so daunting. What if it never works? I can't take any more failure. The past few weeks left me with a little taste of failure and my heart aches. I still think about that little boy and wonder where he is and if he's ok.

I pray he's in the arms of someone that loves him...