it's over

The tears have come off and on since I received the call. I knew what they were going to say, but my heart still aches. We're taking some time off to figure out what the next step is. We can't decide if another IVF cycle is worth the risk. We still have the two remaining frozen embryos. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I want to be pregnant just once and at least have a biological child that is related to me, before expanding our family by other means. I can't even wrap my mind around the idea that couples make love and babies are created. What did we do to deserve this?

The adoption process is so overwhelming and we've only just begun. Why was I born with the immense desire to be a mother? My emotions are out of control and just when all the counseling was finally helping me to deal with the infertility. Words cannot begin to express the shear pain we are feeling. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow to find this was all just a bad dream...